7 Things I Think I Think

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on November 26, 2009 by The Team

1. I think the Wednesday before Thanksgiving used to be a lot diffent then it is now at 34 with a kid in tow and one in the oven.

2. I think I don’t ever want to meet the person who found my blog by typing “guy with a giant boner in a speedo” into a seach engine.  I mean, did they really need to catagorize the boner as “giant? I have a mental picture of a lap top, XL bottle of Jergins, and some Kleenex being directly involved in this seach as the browser mutters to themselves, “Man, I really hope it’s giant”

3.  Tommorrow is our annual Turkey Bowl Football game. Is there any greater tradition than the annual Thanksgiving morning football game? I don’t think so. AMERICA….F-YEAH!

4.  I think doing a body shot of warm Jim Beam off Oprah would probably make me throw up.

5.  www.peopleofwalmart.com… check it out

6.  I generally don’t get very excited by forwarded emails but those motavational posters are the exception. I’ll take this opportunity to share my personal favorite with you.

 

7.  Pound for pound I think Thanksgiving is one of the best holidays. 4 day weekend. Food/Drinking binging. And Football. Again, America F-Yeah! Happy Turkey Day to all.

1 Thing I Think I Think (aka…H 1/2 N 1/2)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on November 20, 2009 by The Team

This perfectly describes how I felt when I woke up this morning.

 

So, no long post today. But I will leave you with what I think is the coolest thing you’ll see this week.

Rickey being Rickey- again

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on November 17, 2009 by The Team

This has, in some form or another, made it’s way around the internet for the last few years so I in no way am taking any credit for compile this opus of Ricky quotes and stories. Most of you have probably already read this at least a few times but dammit, it still makes me laugh every time.

 So anyway, here you go. The definitive Rickey Henderson.

1) In June 1999, when Henderson was playing with the Mets, he saw reporters running around the clubhouse before a game. He asked a teammate what was going on and he was told that Tom Robson, the team’s hitting coach, had just been fired. Henderson said, “Who’s he?”

2) Rickey… on referring to himself in the third person:
“Listen, people are always saying, ‘Rickey says Rickey.’ But it’s been blown way out of proportion. People might catch me, when they know I’m ticked off, saying, ‘Rickey, what the heck are you doing, Rickey?’ They say, ‘Darn, Rickey, what are you saying Rickey for? Why don’t you just say, ‘I?’ But I never did. I always said, ‘Rickey,’ and it became something for people to joke about.”

3) In the early 1980s, the Oakland A’s accounting department was freaking out. The books were off $1 million. After an investigation, it was determined Rickey was the reason why. The GM asked him about a $1 million bonus he had received and Rickey said instead of cashing it, he framed it and hung it on a wall at his house.

4) In 1996, Henderson’s first season with San Diego, he boarded the team bus and was looking for a seat. Steve Finley said, “You have tenure, sit wherever you want.” Henderson looked at Finley and said, “Ten years? Ricky’s been playing at least 16, 17 years.”

5) This one might be my second favorite. This wasn’t too long ago, I think it was the year he ended up playing with the Red Sox. Anyway, he called San Diego GM Kevin Towers and left the following message: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”

6) This one happened in Seattle. Rickey struck out and as the next batter was walking past him, he heard Henderson say, “Don’t worry, Rickey, you’re still the best.”

7) Rickey once asked a teammate how long it would take him to drive to the Dominican Republic.

8) Moments after breaking Lou Brock’s stolen base record, Henderson told the crowd – with Brock mere feet next to him – “Lou Brock was a great base stealer, but today, I am the greatest of all-time.”

9) Henderson once fell asleep on an ice pack and got frostbite – which forced him to miss three games — in mid-August.

10) A reporter asked Henderson if Ken Caminiti’s estimate that 50 percent of Major League players were taking steroids was accurate. His response was, “Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”

11) Henderson broke Ty Cobb’s career record for runs scored with a home run. After taking his usual 45 seconds or so around the bases, Rickey slid into home plate.

12) On being Nolan Ryan’s 5,000th career strikeout: “It gave me no chance. He (Ryan) just blew it by me. But it’s an honor. I’ll have another paragraph in all the baseball books. I’m already in the books three or four times.”

13) San Diego GM Kevin Towers was trying to contact Rickey at a nearby hotel. He knew Henderson always used fake names to avoid the press, fans, etc. He was trying to think like Rickey and after several attempts; he was able to get Henderson on the phone.

Rickey had checked in under Richard Pryor.

14) I didn’t believe this one at first. However, I emailed a few contacts within the Sox organization and they claim it actually happened. This is priceless, it really is.

The morning after the Sox finished off their 2004 World Series sweep against St. Louis, Henderson called someone in the organization looking for tickets to Game 6 at Fenway Park.

15) The Mets were staying in a hotel less than a mile from Cinergy Field in Cincinnati. While some players walked, most took the team bus. A few minutes after they arrived — again it was less than a mile – the last players off the bus noticed a stretched limo that had just pulled up.

Of course, Rickey emerged from the back seat.

16) A reporter once asked Rickey if he talked to himself, “Do I talk to myself? No, I just remind myself of what I’m trying to do. You know, I never answer myself so how can I be talking to myself?”

17) OK, I know everyone has been waiting for it. Alas, according to both parties involved, it’s not true. I wish it were. Heck, both Rickey Henderson and John Olerud have said they wish it were true. But it just didn’t happen.

The story went that a few weeks into Henderson’s stint with the Mariners, he walked up to Olerud at the batting cage and asked him why he wore a batting helmet in the field. Olerud explained that he had an aneurysm at nine years old and he wore the helmet for protection. Legend goes that Henderson said, “Yeah, I used to play with a guy that had the same thing.” Legend also goes that Olerud said, “That was me, Rickey.”

Henderson played with Olerud on the Blue Jays and the Mets.

18) Rickey was asked if he had the Garth Brooks album with Friends in Low Places and Henderson said, “Rickey doesn’t have albums. Rickey has CDs.”

19) During a contract holdout with Oakland in the early 1990s, Henderson said, “If they want to pay me like Mike Gallego, I’ll play like Gallego.”

20) In the late 1980s, the Yankees sent Henderson a six-figure bonus check. After a few months passed, an internal audit revealed the check had not been cashed. Current Yankees GM Brian Cashman – then a low-level nobody with the organization – called Rickey and asked if there was a problem with the check. Henderson said, “I’m just waiting for the money market rates to go up.”

21) This is my all-time favorite. Rickey was pulled over by a San Diego police officer for speeding. As the officer was approaching Rickey’s car, the window went down a few inches and a folded $100 bill emerged. The officer let Rickey and his money head home without a ticket.

22) When he was on the Yankees in the mid-1980s, Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.”

23) During one of his stays with Oakland, Henderson’s locker was next to Billy Beane’s. After making the team out of spring training, Beane was sent to the minors after a few months. Upon his return, about six weeks later, Henderson looked at Beane and said, “Hey, man, where have you been? Haven’t seen you in awhile.”

24) To this day and dating back 25 years, before every game he plays, Henderson stands completely naked in front of a full length locker room mirror and says, “Ricky’s the best,” for several minutes.

25) In the last week of his lone season with the Red Sox, Chairman Tom Werner asked Henderson what he would like for his ‘going-away’ gift. Henderson said he wasn’t going anywhere, but he would like owner John Henry’s Mercedes. Werner said it would be tough to get the same make and model in less than a week and Henderson said, “No, I want his car.” Turns out the Sox got Henderson a Red Thunderbird and when he saw it on the field before the last game of the season, Rickey said, “Whose ugly car is on the field?”

9 Things I Think I Think (aka…6 Minute Abs)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on November 13, 2009 by The Team

sammy-sosa

1.  I think I thought Agassi’s hair was a bombshell but I’m not even sure what’s going on here. It’s like…I mean….Jesus, it’s just creepy. Really, really, really creppy. Sammy Sosa, you are officially never babysitting my kid. Just stop smiling like that.

2. I think last night I had an internal debate on whether the largest concentration of tools on the TV were on the Weather Channel or Ghost Hunters. Ghost Hunters won (meaning lost) because at least on some level weather is real. Still, these giant deuchebags, led by their DIC (Deuchebag in Charge) Jim Cantori named the recent storm on the East Coast the “Atlantic Assult” and have been running around from Nags Head to the Jersey Shore with enormous crankers in their foul weather gear trying to make us all crap our pants. I plan on devoting an entire post to the deuchebaggery exhibited by the Ghost Hunters crew.

3. I realize that it’s only gift cards in and in the big picture it’s a small thing to go after a major city mayor on but Sheila Dixon, I hope you go down. The Titanic only saw a small piece of what brought it down and I think there a lot more corruption behind what we’ll see play out in court over the next two weeks. King of the World my ass- you know the headlines will read, “Baltimore’s Crack Whore Mayor Brought Down by $20 Gift Cards to Old Navy”.

choose-civility-in-howard-county

4. I hate bumper stickers. Specifically I have recently become enraged by the Choose Civility stickers which seemed to be centered squarely in the Howard County area. I don’t even think those fartknockers know what it means. I also don’t want to know which cool beach town you want everyone to know you’ve been to with you gay little white oval.  additionally, I don’t care that you ran 13.1, 26.2, or 1 billion miles. 

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There is one giant exception in my hatred for stickers on cars and that’s Calvin Pissing….on anything.  Nothing says class like a nice Calvin sticker on the back of your teal Chevy Malibu.

5.  I love post apocalyptic movies and am looking forward to the upcoming release of 2012. This is a good time for my Top 5 Favorite Post-Apocalyptic Movies List

                               5.  12 Monkeys

                               4.  Mad Max

                               3.  Children of Men

                               2.  28 Weeks Later

                              1.  Stephen King’s The Stand (ok Movie…killer book)

Bonus Note: The Day After Tomorrow easily ranks as the worst (big-budget) Post Apocalyptic movie.

6.  The people that bought our house for FULL PRICE in this market could be the world’s worst negotiators.  They sent along a personal letter with their offer sheet (think along the lines of those stupid family Christmas update letters) that gave us an overview of their whole life. Each has their MBA….in what, making retard sandwiches? They went on and on about how much they loved our house and this is where they wanted to settle for the rest of their lives so they bid 10K less then full asking price. You say to yourself…that’s amazing right? You took that deal right? Wrong. I countered their dumb asses for basically full price and got back to me in about 5 minutes saying ok. I actually feel bad for these people. I’m definitely going top shelf on all the commodes the day before we close.

7.  I think this is a trap game for the Ravens. Final Score: Browns 17 Ravens 10.

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8. Earlier in the week I started writing a post titled “The Top 5 Ways to Dispose of a Dead Hooker”. I think that:

          A) I had way too many good ideas

          B) No matter the anonymity I belive the interweb affords my blog I couldn’t post this

          C) Woodchippers and Crabs were prominently featured 

9) I think I may be a little scared. One is manageable but…. Baby #2 drops in early July. I hope she let’s me name this one Hans.

My Review on 5 Shows I’ve Never Seen

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on November 6, 2009 by The Team

In a nod to our fine friends at Extraneous Kickassary and YWYT who both penned Top 10 TV columns this week I’d like to do a quick review on 5 shows that have been on for 5 years that I’ve never seen 1 time. The rules:

  • Show must be currently running and have been on for at least 5 seasons
  • Show must be on main networks and in prime-time
  • I seriously must have never watched more than 3 seconds of the show (the time it takes to flip the channel)

5.  Medium 2005 to Present-  Patricia Arquette gets nightmares and does stuff and then more stuff happens and blah, blah, blah…bad hair cut…blah, blah, blah. At some point they catch some pervert and everyone is safe for 7 days until the next episode of Medium.  Arquette peaked as Alabama Whitman in True Romance. The fight scene with  James Gandolfini is still one of my all time favorites.  

4. NCIS- 2003 to Present-  Stars Mark Harmon and some butt ugly goth chick they’re always showing on the commercials. You know what’s a lot better than NCIS staring Mark Harmon….Summer School staring Mark Harmon. Do you remember how hot Courtney Thorne Smith was in that movie? Holy accident in my pants. Man she was hot.

I think NCIS is like a military rip off of CSI. MY #1 rule with forensic crime drama shows is No Marg Helgenberger=No Watchie….hence I’ve never seen this  steaming pile of dung.

Bonus! NCIS was a SPIN-OFF from JAG which, holy mashed potatoes, ran for 9 freaking years.

3.  Gray’s Anatomy 2005 to Present  Dr. McSteamy humps a crash cart while that fugly asian chick pops vicodin like chicklets….on the next Gray’s Anatomy! I wear this one as a badge of my manhood. Entering it’s 5th year without one viewing by team turdland. Did you know Patrick Dempsey played Damone on a short-lived TV series based off the movie Fast Time at Ridgemont High? That little nugget there is cooler the 5 years of Gay’s Anatomy. (He was also in Meatballs III)

2.  Supernanny 2004to Present- I so totally thought this was going to be different. Take one part British chick with sexy accent and add the words Super + Nanny. We’re talking prime-time boner maker right? Wrong. apparently this show is about some opinionated geezer built like a log cabin that comes to your home and tells you what to do. I’ve already got that going…she’s called my Mother in Law. I live this shit. I don’t need to watch it on TV. End of story.

1. The Ghost Whisperer 2005 to Present- This is a show about Whoppi Goldberg (* my favorite black jew by the way….barely edging out Nell Carter and reggae superstar Sean Paul) talking some smack to Patrick (43 Points) Swazye while they do some gay shit with some clay. Then Demi Moore gets hit by a train  and….oh crap, that’s the movie Ghost.

Anywho, The Ghost Wisperer(er) stars Jennifer Love- Hugetits and is on Friday night. She talks to some ghosts and whatnot and there are lots of closeups of her cleavage. Other than that I have no idea what the show is about because if you’re watching The Ghost Wisperer(er) on Friday night you’re a loser.

**Bonus Take- CBS…I’m looking at you. This is like 1/3 of your entire non-reality line up. Embarrasing.

9 Things I Think I Think (aka….6 minute abs)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 29, 2009 by The Team

1. I think I would be terrible at sexting. I can just imagine it all being very awkward.

agassi

2. Yes, the crystal meth admission is a bit of a shocker but nothing compared to the bombshell that Agassi wore a hairpiece! Seriously, I was/am a huge fan and had no idea. Was this general knowledge and I’m just a naive schoolboy? I need to know this.

tastelesshalloween03 

3.  I think I want to party with this kid on Halloween.

4.  Big game for the Raven’s this weekend. Spread is Baltimore +31/2 which is surprising considering Denver is 6-0. I’m still not convinced our defense can shup anyone down. And when that anyone is named “Kyle Orton” and you’re worried about stopping him/her/it then I think it’s time to start worrying about making the playoff’s. (PLAYOFF’S??… PLAYOFFS!)

5.  I think it’s pretty fair that those two pilots got shitcanned for blowing by their stop by like 150 miles.  Appearently the two jabroni’s were on their lap tops jerking it to pictures of Captain Sullenberger.

6.  Watched the Caps/Flyers game on Tuesday night this week. Down 2-0 Caps come back to win 3-2. Ovechkin is the man. Hockey in HD is exciting to watch and the fans are turning DC into a hockey town. (The Communist Midget has an assit on this one) I’ve never been to an NHL game but this might be the year.

7.  Weird Science. I think you probably haven’t seen it in years but it’s time to give it another view.

weirdscience28

Garry: Do you know what I would like to do?
Wyatt: Shower with them.
Garry: Then bang with the city baby, dead on! For a little drinks, a little night-life, dancing.
Wyatt: Dancing.
Garry: We’ll throw a huge party. I mean huge party! Everybody’s invited. Women everywhere. All these girls, they’re all there. Naked bodies everywhere. They all know my name.
Wyatt: Gary, Gary.
Garry: What?
Wyatt: Nobody likes us. Nobody.

8.  Top 10 All Time Cartoon Power Ranking:

10. Inspector Gadget     

9.  Thundercats

8.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

7.  GI Joe

6.  Beavis and Butthead

5.  Voltron (The good one with just the 5 robots)

4.  Simpsons

3.  Transformers (not the movie!)

2.  South Park

1.  Family Guy

9.  I think college basketball season is just around the corner. Yipee!

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Snyder = Stalin

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on October 28, 2009 by The Team

Take a moment to read this excellent blog by Dan Steinberg of the Washington Post on the Redskins banning signs from Fed Ex Field for Monday Nights Game.  REDSKINS BAN SIGNS AT FEDEX FIELD

I’ve got a wo hour+ round trip commute into DC twice a week so I’ve been listening to a lot of native radio and the absolute bungling of ownership for the Skin’s in sickening. Steinberg does an excellent job in this post of finding hard evidence on the fan’s mistreatment….much more damning then all the blowhards complaining up and down the dial on the radio.

 

update….here’s a great quote from the Redskin’s head legal counsel on why no signs at Fed Ex:

“We DO have a prohibition against signs and banners in the stadium, and we don’t care what they say, we take ‘em down,” Redskins general counsel David Donovan said in a truly gripping interview on 106.7 The Fan’s Mike Wise Show Tuesday afternoon. (Listen to it here.) “They get in the way of other people viewing the game, and people get poked in the head. That stuff happens. We have an absolute prohibition. We don’t care what [the signs] say.”

90,000 f-tards packed liked sardines into a giant bowl plied with beer from the last 4 hours and this ahole is trying to say that someone might get poked with a semi-stiff piece of paper. what a jackhole.

9 Things I Think I Think (aka 6 minute abs)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2009 by The Team

 jcrew

1. It’s almost impossible to punch the clown to the J Crew catalogue. Almost.

2. Caught “The Band that Wouldn’t Die” the other day. It’s the story of the Baltimore Colts Marching Bands that continued on after the team left in 1983 in hopes of bringing back football to Baltimore. It was one of ESPN’s 30 for 30 and directed by Bmore native Barry Levinson. I’d highly recommend watching it if you have the chance. Good stuff.

3.  Who the fuck names their kid Falcon? I hope those losers go to jail. And get butt raped. Repeatedly. In the butt.

4. I think until baseball puts in a hard cap they’ll struggle being relevent in September and October against football. Here’s a fun fact…Arod will make 10 million dollars more this year then the ENTIRE Florida Marlins team. That’s a total of 25 players. You can keep using the Twins being competitive each year as an excuse for the success of small market baseball but overall the sport is losing traction each year because of it’s have/have not culture.

5. I think Dogfish Head Pumpkin Ale is money. Try some while it’s still around.

 

 

 

 

michael-phelps-speedo

6. Baltimore sure seems to have become a shitty sports town lately. Orioles cap a 14th losing season. Terps football blows. The world learns that Michael Phelps is a retarded alien. And the Raven’s go from being media darlings and #1 in several power rankings to losing 3 straight. At least we have crime/STD/heroin free reputation to fall back on. Right?

7.  I think no one cares about your fantasy football team so stop talking about it. Stop talking about it at work. At bars. Over email. To strangers and to family. Just stop.

8. I think working for Bernie Madoff in the late 70’s/early 80’s sounds pretty frickin awesome. Madoff’s workplace rife with cocaine, sex

9. Finally, I am worried that I think I may be turning into a gay. Yesterday’s post was about crying to Chicago. Last night I went home, plopped down on the couch, switched on the Phillies vs. LA playoff game, logged 5 minutes, and then watched 2 hours of The Devil Wears Prada. (footnote: Glenn Close was excellent!) I have renamed my fantasy team after Visanthe Shiancoe’s fire hose and caught myself doing a google search for Santonio Holmes’s junk. As our late, great friend Uncle Al used to say, “Oh Balls!”

Internet Radio and Sleep Deprivation

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on October 20, 2009 by The Team

So the boy is sick. He’s only 1 and this is the first time he’s had anything which appearently makes sleeping optional. (But not screaming- not by a longshot) This led to about a solid hour of sleep on my end. Whatever- do the crime pay the time- I’m not complaining and  I like the crime part so I’ll keep at that thank you.

What it did lead to though was this situation at work today.

I listen to internet radio in my office and was tuned to my personalized Steely Dan station. I had cranked the volume higher then normal due to fact that I was actually falling asleep at my desk (and that it was my personalized Steely Dan station…ohhh yeahhhh). Well, Chicago’s “Hard to Say I’m Sorry” comes on and I just start inexplicably crying. I guess I could blame it all on the lack of sleep but seriously, listen to that song…it’ll get you.

All is fine and dandy until someone walks into my office, first notices the tears steaming down my face and then hears the Chicago in the background. What can you do except look up and say, “Do you like Chicago?”

In a related note I don’t expect to be employed here much longer.

Nice Secondary

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on October 19, 2009 by The Team

Rihanna fared better is the passenger seat of Chris Brown’s car then the Raven’s secondary today. Carr, Foxworth, Worthington, and Landry. You suck balls.IMG_3336